Once upon a time there was a girl, she wasn't a princess or about to become a princess or any such rot. This girl was in fact of fairly ordinary lineage. What made her so unique was her hobby.

She knew that her hobby was not normal and so she kept it a secret all to herself. Every morning on her way to school she would swing by the funeral home that was on the way. She studiously took notes of those that passed away in her little black book with the stub of her HB pencil, and took it to school with her.

At school, she would use the library's computer to Google the names that she had written, and find out all that she could about the recently deceased.

One day she got sidetracked in her search and came across something she could hardly believe – someone else who shared her passion for her hobby. Until now she had thought she had been alone but to think there was someone else out there.

Someone with the same morbid fascination with the lives of those who had recently passed on. She wondered if this stranger was looking for the same sort of information that she was - the manner, in descriptive detail, in which these people had died.

She wondered if this person often went back home and replayed the whole scenario with their stuffed dolls just like she did. Vowing to find out, she set of on her journey to find this other person and see what they were up to.

While others might call this stalking, she just chalked it up to her inquisitive nature. For several days, she waited outside the funeral home for this person to show up.

One afternoon, she finally got a glimpse of the man who shared her obsession. He was a hefty man, approximately 50 years old. His short stature was made all the more obvious by his rotund physique. She remarked that his walk was more of a waddle, almost penguin-like. So different from her in looks, but so similar in mind. She had to speak with him.

There's no time like the present she told herself as she smoothed out her tartan dress, readjusted her back pack and followed into St. Mark's funeral home after her hobby sharing could-be-friend.

Inside, a bereived family was receiving condolences. The unusual chatter between relatives hushed momentarily as the girl walked through the door. She stopped suddenly, with all eyes on her. The bereived were slightly suspicious of the man who shuffled through a moment ago, meandering past them and up the emergency stairwell. She readjusted her posture, gave a slight nod, and made for the stairwell's double-doors.

They were wide, steel doors that swung open real wide, with an aluminum push-bar at waist level that made them so easy to open. She gained some momentum as she glided across the carpet towards the door. With her arms out in front of her she put her whole body behind that aluminum push-bar, but it was locked. She wasn't very tall, and took that push-bar right in the ribs, which made for an interesting and sudden thud.

All that momentum came to a halt as she rebounded backward and landed smack on her butt, knocking over someone’s glass of water along the way. She laid there, with her little tartan dress soaking up the puddle of water, staring up into the most sorrowful set of eyes she had ever seen.

Mr. Marbles was a basset hound. At age 18, he didn't have much life left to him. Appropriate that he was the family pet for the owners of the funeral home. Mr Marbles limped over to the girl and began to slowly lick her face. This was the most attention that she had received in a long time. She stood up, dusted herself off, and pet Mr. Marbles on the head. She reached into her backpack, and pulled out a peanut butter cookie leftover from her lunch, and gave it to the dog. The appreciative canine chomped down on the cookie, and walked over to the corner, where a blanket and waterbowl were waiting for her. The girl saw that there was comfort around her.

She inspected the double doors to determine how it was possible the fat man had made it up the stairs but she was unable to open the doors, emergency doors no less. It would be hazardous for an emergency door to be locked after all. It occurred to her that the fat man must have barricaded the doors from the other side with an object too heavy for her to move. How dastardly, she thought to herself.

Had he noticed that she was following him and jammed the door to protect himself? Or was he up to something so mischievous that he had put the lives of all these innocent mourners at risk, by closing off an emergency exit, just to assure that his tomfoolery would not be disturbed?

Or maybe he had somehow slipped on the steps and was now lying crumpled against the inside of the door, preventing it from being opened. She had no way of knowing. She glanced over at Mr. Marbles, wondering if maybe he knew of an alternate route up the stairs.

"Mr Marbles?" she said, getting the basset hound's attention. "Do you know anoutheur way to get UP staiws? Do you, woudjew goudju..." she asked scratching behind the basset hounds ears and playfully smushing up his floppy skin face.

Mr. Marbles made a few snuffling noises before turning around and leading the way back out the front doors. The girl, whose name was Eloise Esmerelda Eliana Estelle Evangeline Emerson, followed along dutifully, hoping Mr. Marbles hadn't lost his marbles and actually knew where he was going.

Mr. Marbles led 6-E (as her friends call her) around to the side of the building, past some garbage cans, and around to the back. He came to rest at the bottom of a fire escape. 6-E looked up, and saw at the top of the building, an open window. 6-E grabbed the rope, and pulled down the ladder for the fire escape. She took off her shoes (safety first) and climbed the rungs one by one. She looked down, and saw Mr. Marbles walking slowly around the corner, presumably going back to where she originally had found him. As she approached the top, she peered into the window, to see something that she couldn't believe...

The little penguin-like man had just pulled something out of his bag and hidden it underneath the body that was lying so peacefully in the coffin. It had been wrapped in a burgundy coloured cloth so she had not seen what it was but it seemed to have an awkward shape and it looked heavy based on the way he had manoeuvred it.

She waited, pressed against the side of the building so he wouldn't see her, until penguin man left the room. Then she opened the window as slowly as possible so as not to make any noise. The girl slipped into the room with the coffin and crept towards it. With a muttered apology to the deceased corpse, she slowly reached underneath the body to pull out the mysterious item. As she unwrapped it, she was shocked by what she saw....

She knew she had to get it out of there but she also knew she had to be discrete. No one could ever know where she had found it because no one would ever understand.

...

Last updated: 23-09-08 11:18am